Hackfort and Treefort were critical points in time for me, and they came after an incredibly important Building Bridges conference. While Building Bridges helped me to fully reevaluate my work and sense of self as faculty--something that had been building for a long time, and an event that occurred at the same time I was in Spokane--I was worried that motivation, the drive, might die. Energy might wither.
Not so. About ten days after Spokane, a full five days in Boise, spent with my sister!, amidst hackers, coders, and many local and indie bands helped me remember who I was and where I came from. Honestly, being over 40 put me at the upper end of the attendees most of the time. That was fine. I don't need to be hip anymore, and I'm not really trying. What I do need to be is authentic, I need to have integrity with myself.
In some way, seeing the diversity panel at Hackfort, sadly having males dominate the question sessions, experiencing Jason Webley in person (first time I ever really heard his work beyond a sample), and reading Patricia Hill Collins and Jasbir Puar while learning about narrative inquiry blasted me past the molar and, it seems, into a fascinating line of flight. [Thanks, Faris!]
Since that time, my entire life feels rejuvenated, reawakened. Back in the game.
Caring, much more deeply, about things that matter. About people that matter. About doing interesting, engaging work.
And that performance crap, that can stop. Was a failure, anyway, and it was costing way to much time and attention.